It has been a long, long time since I have last blog in a serious manner. A lot of things have taken a way my time and of course, Baby G and work is taking up most of my time which hardly left any time for myself. Well, time and time again my mom will always remind me to change my mentality because I am a mom, not a growing up teenager - which is true, (un)fortunately.
I have the serious urge to rant and rant and rant, just to get that depressive mood out of the way. I used to do it in a blog freely but now I have to monitor what I put here, in my very own blog because some people might just take it personally and then relationship turns sour. So, what's the point? Maybe I should start another blog where it is password-protected so only the privileged can enter. Haha. But come to think about it, who would want to read my blog la? People want to be entertained through blogs but here I am ranting and trying to make everyone depress. Right, if you find this post repulsive, then just type another address in the URL bar and hop onto another site where they can make you laugh. Go and be merry, with my blessing.
Rant#1
Yes, I have been ranting a lot lately. I have a lot of things to rant about, ever since my life turned upside down with so many uneventful events that has happened this year. My body doesn't seem to be taking the changes very well. I'm frequently falling sick and I'm starting to feel like an old lady with a severe problem of osteoporosis. My muscles are very tensed which I desperately need a good, good massage to ease those tensions.
The operation scar I had earlier to remove a cyst from my neck is causing pain sometimes. I am not sure whether it is a normal occurrence after every surgery. People have been advising me to put on the scar cream but the doctor advised against it. I have an ugly scar right across my neck now.
Rant #2
I feel like I'm unwanted anymore, in any way. I don't know. Anyhow, if I continue about this, sure a lot of people will try to make hasty conclusions and condemn me for it.
Rant#3
I still don't feel pretty nor beautiful even after living life for 24 years. I'm huge, fat and ugly - the three ultimate things that girls hate. I went even more out of shape after I have given birth to Baby G. I always feel depress everytime I think about it. Everytime I see friend's profile pics and other pictures in any social network, I will never fail to envy on how beautiful they have become ever since I last saw them. And me? pfft. Look at me la. Damn ugly b*tch.
Rant#4
I wanna rant abt someone but apparently it's not encouraged. So I shall hold my fingers.
Rant#5
I want to go out and have fun. Have some drinks with friends or hang out just to chat with them without any worry about going home. Now I can say bye bye to all these due to several reasons of which I can't reveal here either. And it's so freaking annoying!!
Rant#6
Financial stability. Ah. Who wouldn't want that eh? I have never feel so desperate in my whole life. I only left few ringgit in my pocket and I bought Baby G's milk on credit, which I really tried not to. Salary is not coming in as promised and I have to use the money for household expenses which is not enough in my current state.
And who is to blame? my f***king self and my F***king credit debts. No thanks to high-paying job lifestyle which I had as my first job. Stupid. I am so stupid and no thanks to me, my family suffers. Sometimes I really wish I can get a superbly high-paying job regardless of what job it is so I can get myself and my family out of debts. I am such a horrible person- Horrible wife, horrible daughter, horrible mother. How to be a good role for my son?! I might as well go kill myself. Simple.
Rant#7
For those who are curious, yes, my spiritual life has went down the pits probably unable to come up to breathe the fresh air again. She has withered and perhaps even dead. Faith and hope eludes me. I wish to connect with God again but it seems impossible at the moment.
Church does not sound very inviting anymore, especially when human minds corrupt the holy sanctuary of God with their own ideals and interpretation of what God wants in a church until it becomes too legalistic. Then, what's the point of having a church when all you do is impose your stupid ideals on people and not focusing on God? Double pfft.
And those who wanna judge me, go ahead. God will deal with you. See the log in your own eyes before you judge me, brother/sister. Go all holy-moly on me and I'll tell you to buzz off.
Christians disappoint me most of the time. God, let's not even go there. He does not seem to even care anymore. Enough said. My family suffered enough and all that we get is more shit getting thrown at us.
You know what. i should stop here. I'm getting all worked up. And it doesn't help with the fact that I have to work throughout the weekends. FML.
Am setting my hair in a salon near my office, love going to this salon to cut, wash, do my hair. My stylist's name is Ivy and she is really very friendly.
The make-up artist putting in her magic on Eunice.
Noticed the difference in background? yeah, we shifted to my house to continue the makeup. Why? My contact lens wasn't delivered on time and we don't want to disturb the salon's business you see. I was really mad at the optician for not being able to deliver my contact lens on time. Sigh. My ugly side my revealed that day, of all days!
The make-up artist and her creations. Thanks Su Yin babe! We super love it a lot! and yes, we had fun :)
Eunice driving us to KL. Got stuck in a massive jam on federal highway and it doesn't help when it's pouring during peak hours. So, camwhore it is. Haha.
Yup. All dolled up.
The guests at the dinner. There were many people during the dinner and I was in the same room with the Sultan of Selangor! Haha *prouds*
We are sitted way behind at the back of the grand ballroom.
The leng chais of PM with a departmental director (in the middle) of a prestigious bank.
The writers who constantly squeeze out juices to churn out words for the mags.
yours truly.
The awesome guys that makes that whole PM fun!!
So, what's in store next year's MPA? ;)
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